My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
