just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We talked him into tasing himself.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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