Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
