You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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