New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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