You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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