you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
