it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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