Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
