when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
