she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
