lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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