if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
