Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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