Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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