I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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