either way he was missing a nipple.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
