I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
