i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
