The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
