Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
