He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
