Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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