He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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