Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He shit in the fireplace
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
