It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
