my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
