i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
