could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
