You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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