shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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