I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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