i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
