i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
