we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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