you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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