there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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