I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I need mimosas to revive my soul
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
