Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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