Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
