she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
