I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
