I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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