I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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