I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
