girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
