I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
