i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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