I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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