I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
