Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
