we have pet lesbian snakes
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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