Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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