If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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