Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
either way he was missing a nipple.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
