I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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