that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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