That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
