thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
