the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
