I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My day in three words: secret purse cake
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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