Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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