got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
