We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
