i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
