A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize