i just sent this text using only my big toe
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
