You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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