Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
