you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize