I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
