We're facebook friends in real life
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
