Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
