i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
