I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
