I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
wakey wakey hands off snakey
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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