sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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