A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
