Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
