I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
