OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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