Your face is a jimmy john
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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