ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
