I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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