On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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