Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
