i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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