and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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