Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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