just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
