Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize