His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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