I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
