You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
