Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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