Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize