I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
