isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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