i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize