you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
