my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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